Shame and the Invisible Wars of Filipino Women
“One need only look at a woman’s shape to discover that she is not intended for either too much mental or too much physical work. She pays the debt of life not by what she does but by what she suffers—by the pains of child-bearing, care for the child, and by subjection to man, to whom she should be a patient and cheerful companion.” -Arthur Schopenhauer, ‘On Women.’
I intently watched the 5-hour Blue Ribbon Committee hearing on former Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte’s infamous War on Drugs. It was a tell-all of the atrocities of the “Oplan Tokhang” he endorsed and repeatedly justified. The highlight was a crystal clear confession that he ordered his men in uniforms to instigate and force alleged suspects to fight back, prompting the “use of force”. There was no resistance, only bloody murder. Senator Risa Hontiveros who presided over the hearing has been all over the news these past few months for braving the storms of corruption, denial, and indiscretion—all laid out in evidence pointing out to certain government and religious leaders. The recent grandstand by Duterte was icing on the cake. Soon after, I found my social media homepage flooded with people defending Senator Risa and people praising Duterte. It was a familiar paradox. That the difference between blunt, straight talk from a man and a woman was their gender. For Duterte it was ‘macho’, it was taking a stand. For Risa it was uncalled for, it was a display of her “harmful brand of civility”. The very same can be said for women whose lives go beyond legislative chambers and structures. From birth to the grave, shame has been embedded into all aspects of womanhood.
I remember how after school hours meant I could finally indulge in Philippine television dramas also known as teleseryes. A running theme would be the plight of a woman marrying into a family who has no intention of accepting nor tolerating her presence the moment she moves into her man’s family home. Kontrabidas (antagonists) often scrutinized her background, questioning the intention behind her love. She is often made small and smaller, cropped into limiting familial and societal roles. Sadly, if she ever bears a daughter, this child inherits it all—the same hostility, passivity, and scrutiny. This is plain fiction, yet it happens to mirror various segments of women's reality. This led me to try and make sense of shame early on. Shame preys on women's consciousness like an extra limb carrying extra weight. Despite “immobility”, it feeds from your body's circulation, adds an extra surface to itch, and joins all your hairs when they stand up. I think Nietzsche sums up how women have been viewed, from literature written by already dead philosophers to modern thinkers, when he said “Woman has so much reason for shame…”. It encapsulates a deep and often unexamined cultural and societal perception. The association between shame and women has seemingly become an unspoken rule in society. It’s a subtle and hostile force that influences how women see themselves and how they are seen by others. It has manifested in various ways such as the imposition of societal pressure to conform to restrictive roles, the constant surveillance of women's bodies and behavior, and the exclusion of women’s voices from dominant intellectual and cultural discourse.
In my country, “hiya” (which may translate to shame, self-consciousness, or embarrassment), although some would argue for the affirmative side, remains a virtue largely imposed on women. In family gatherings, girls who avoid kisses, tickles, and hugs from distant relatives are often shamed, as are those born out of wedlock. Their mothers face criticism for not changing their children's sweaty and dirty clothes after running around with their cousins. They are shamed when the kitchen is messy or when the space is not “up to standards”. Conversations become an opportunity for others to meddle in their choices, from parenting decisions to matters of their marriage, and even down to the wallpaper. I think us women eventually learned to walk with and around shame. It is just that we called it femininity and all the characteristics associated with it: intuitive, creative, nurturing, and passionate. The feminine-masculine dichotomy has always been a debate whether any of these adjectives should fall on either. I believe it should not. However, this is far from reality. The mundane for Filipino women is a confrontation with patriarchal, militarized, and masculine symbols. Take for example, fathers who rarely show up in diaper ads, the Philippine cinema staple of cameras panning over women's bodies, and male supremacy laden rule of law. It goes without saying that women continue to bear the brunt of gendered iconography. For instance, the relationship between women and the kitchen has long transcended beyond society’s basic unit. In the eyes of Filipino marketing, this relationship is strategic (from optics to backstory) for food brands that call for “familiar” and “home-cooked” goods that capture the Filipino palate (we would call this panlasang Pinoy). Notably, I have noticed that most of our beloved local businesses would take on faces or names of women, mostly presented as a matriarchal figure, to embody the brand. Filipino honorifics such as “Ate” (sister), “Mama” (mother), “Tita” (aunt), and “Lola” (grandmother) are recurring motifs. Some of the most recognizable and beloved brands include “Lola Nena's”, “Aling Kika's Bibingka”, “Ate Rica's Bacsilog”, “Colette's Buko Pie”, “Bebang Halo-Halo”, “Tita’s Banana Chips”, “Aling Sosing's Carinderia”, and “Mama's Kitchen”. The list just goes on. Despite its subtlety, these symbols reinforce one’s cognizance of gender stereotypes and gendered expectations. For women, a slight detour came with baggage of disgrace and guilt.
All these examples share a common denominator—shame has been a cognitive foundation for the policing, dehumanization, and devaluing of Filipino women and their bodies. It even has crept its way into legislation and the already feeble justice system in the country. Sadly, the reality remains. Deep within society, these topics do not reach women’s restroom conversation nor oral tradition of storytelling.Some philosophers would describe women as a mystery or enigma that men cannot fully come to terms with. It was an idealization of femininity as something distant, inscrutable, and fundamentally "other”. I think there is some level of truth to this that women-related concepts remain unaddressed myths and misconceptions like how women’s pain is dismissed by physicians. Pain has been believed to be a central reality for women, from births, to periods, to menopause.
Amidst all this, I find myself enraged. Shame has found its voice within my built up feminine rage. Maybe I was wrong all along. These wars are not invisible, but hidden in plain sight. Shame was merely a veil, a self-silencing veil obscuring a woman’s identity, autonomy, and liberty. It is also an artificial barrier that feeds a false consciousness of women and their plight.
To the corporeal power of our bodies, our agency, and our memory!
Rise! Reclaim! Resist!
To women!
About the author:
Janssen Micah E. Fajardo is a Gender and Development Specialist II at the Policy Development, Planning, Monitoring, and Evaluation Division (PDPMED) of the Philippine Commission on Women. She is currently pursuing a Master of Arts in Foreign Service at the Philippine Women’s University (PWU).
Micah is deeply engaged in various organizations and initiatives that align with her commitment to youth empowerment, diplomacy, and gender equality. She serves as the Director for Programs and Projects of the Diplomatic League, a platform for youth, volunteer, and young professional engagement under the Department of Foreign Affairs' Office of the Undersecretary for Civilian Security and Consular Affairs (DFA OUCSCA), led by Undersecretary Jesus “Gary” S. Domingo. Additionally, she holds the position of Vice President for Internal Affairs on the Youth Board of GoodGovPH, an organization dedicated to promoting good governance in the Philippines. Micah is also a Partnership Officer for Politics4Her Asia Hub, where she champions initiatives that advocate for women's political participation and leadership.
Her academic and professional interests span a wide range of topics, including cultural anthropology, intersectionality, diplomacy, non-traditional security issues, and the Women, Peace, and Security (WPS) agenda.
